i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
