I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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