One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
