Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
