hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
