There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
