You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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