Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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