Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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