I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
