You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
