I didn't shave. On purpose
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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