tell your sister to shave her snatch
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
She has the best kind of daddy issues
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
