If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
My pussy is not your playground.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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