I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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