No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
