Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
home. puking in laundry basket.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
