apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
