PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
one might say we're banned from that church
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
