State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
