so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
