So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Drunk is not a location!
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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