My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
