also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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