What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
my liver is dry heaving
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
