ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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