we're blogging at a bar
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
