I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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