White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
