God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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