You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
