Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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