$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Randomize
