how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
