I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
