Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
It all started with a game of naked twister.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
