Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Are we still banned from the library?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
