No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
