I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
