I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
