i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
