this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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