Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
