I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
