It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Just pee around me
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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