i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
