ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
