(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
