Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
