I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
