I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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