Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
