Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Randomize
